We seem to hold onto a lot of things in our lives out of the sheer habit of holding onto them. Maybe it’s comfortable, or maybe it’s just easy. Sometimes it’s simply hard to let go of, so we avoid it. But there are many things in our lives that we simply outgrow, and that’s okay; we just need to acknowledge that it’s okay, and to give ourselves permission to let go.

Take my recent rift with my favorite cousin, for example. I’ve tried to make amends, even though I continue to disagree with her; she has chosen to ignore me instead. Rather than take this to heart, I need to use it as a sign that it’s time to let go. Why was she my favorite cousin growing up in the first place? Well, she was pretty, and popular, and knew what was hip and happening (hey, this was the 80s!). I was a few years younger than she was and completely idolized her.

She’s still quite pretty and popular, and she knows what’s hip and happening. I didn’t move down that direction, though. Though I don’t like labels, to make the picture clear I am an unschooling, work and stay at home mom; she is a traditional teacher in a public elementary school. I am a pagan, a feminist liberal in a vastly conservative area and family; she is Catholic. I am a health at every size advocate who fights consumerism and schooling and just about any taken for granted area of life in general; she is very much on the up and up when it comes to what’s in and what’s out. The only thing I don’t do to be subversive (very much) is grow my own food, just because I’m not good at it—but I am learning. She is pleasant and kind and generous, but also very much into playing the traditional role we are born into.

So maybe I outgrew her. She never had to really outgrow me; maybe having me hang on her coattails for a while was flattering for her, but now that I’m not hero worshipping her, maybe my presence isn’t welcome anymore. We are definitely very different, and I will always love her, but maybe it’s a good thing that she doesn’t return my messages, doesn’t want to schedule a play date with my kid, and pretty much doesn’t want to have anything to do with me anymore. Sure, it hurts, but sometimes you just have to let go.

This is a big thing to let go of, but there are so many tiny things in our lives we must eventually release as well—from a shirt so worn it’s see-through (I still argue it works as a night shirt!) to piles of artwork our children make (keep your favorites, and let them pick which ones to donate to a nursing home). We even outgrow our own beliefs sometimes; I am still sickened by how pro-death penalty I was as a teenager. We have to forgive and let go in order to continue growing, though, or we’ll just shrivel up and remain stagnant in our own stubbornness.

What things in life have you let go of—or need to let go of?