Just as we know that forgiving and thanking people can help enrich our lives, so too can apologizing when we need to. In my family, we never learned the art of a good apology. After a fight was had, we would simply act like it had not happened the next day. This was extremely confusing for my sisters and me. Were we in trouble? Were Mom and Dad still fighting—or mad at us? How did we solve the problem?

It turns out that we didn’t really solve any problems, and subsequently never learned how to apologize for anything. To this day, I passionately over-apologize, my younger sister sheepishly over-apologizes as well—mostly because she spent too much time with me, I think—and my youngest sister under-apologizes. I’ve been known to apologize to the furniture for bumping into it, and my youngest sister has been known to demand an apology for something she did from someone else. Together, we really suck at apologizing! None of us are great at coming up with the words needed for a good apology, either.

But issuing an apology is something we all need to do, because we all make mistakes. Not one of us humans is perfect, and we shouldn’t walk around acting like it, either. If we sat down with our Living To Do Lists or Books, I think we could all write, “Apologize to…” and come up with a list of at least a couple of people.

Maybe you apologize regularly to those you do harm to, and that’s commendable. If so, you might not need to do this exercise. For the rest of us, I think it’s vital—not only in building bridges and making amends, but also in simply getting on with our lives and forgiving ourselves. To live with no regrets, we should try and make sure that we don’t leave someone hurt behind.

Maybe you did something really awful, like break someone’s heart intentionally or unintentionally. I did this before and find myself still apologizing to one party—my husband—regularly. Of course, another man I apologized to once told me, “You should be!” which was also hurtful, as he’d hurt me just as much and didn’t seem to care. I’m still glad that I gave my apology, because I can let that go. I’ve also hurt a friend in the past, and I apologized to her as well, though I don’t think it was sufficient. While my mistake was one made in grade school, it was one that I wouldn’t be able to forget if it had been inflicted on me, and to this day it pains me that I hurt her like that. I’m also apologizing at least on a weekly basis to my poor child—for having to work, for not being able to make it to someone’s house (often because of that person’s choices or circumstances rather than my own; that does not stop me from being the parent and the responsible party, however), for forgetting something she wanted to do (which led to us making daily lists of things we want to do). I think that while I’ve apologized to the “biggies” in my life, I have still burned a lot of bridges and I could still offer quite a few apologies to people throughout my life.

Make a list of people who you need to apologize to and give one today. Note how you feel after you give the apology. I hope it lightens your heart as it usually does mine.