It has recently come to my attention that I have an extremely irrational fear of getting “in trouble,” something that has obviously carried over from my childhood. I haven’t stolen a thing since I was four and took a toy from a babysitter’s tween daughter (which I felt guilty about for years, even after returning it), I’ve never been in trouble with the law, and I’ve only gotten into trouble at school a few times over stupid things, like running in the hallway or speaking during “silence.” As if children weren’t asked to be quiet for long enough.

I’m not Catholic. I wasn’t really even raised Christian, though I did attend church now and then. I just have this horrible sense of guilt or foreboding, and I think much of it is due to growing up in a very poor trailer park—the poorest in our semi-rural town—surrounded by drug dealers and meth heads and frequent cop visits every week, and part of it’s probably just due to the fear instilled during the whole “educating” process that most kids are subjected to. Stay in line or you’ll go to jail!

I don’t put my hands in my pockets at the store because I’m afraid someone will think I’m trying to steal. I hold my breath when I pass a cop car, thinking he or she will pull me over for no reason (which did happen once in college, by the way; the cop openly checked my friend and me out as we were on our way to the club, and told us to drive safely). I am even afraid that the alarm system will go off on me every time I’m leaving the library, even when I don’t have books!

I often think I’ll get put in jail for breaking some obscure law that I didn’t even know existed by accident, like sleeping in the car while my husband drives or walking from one store to the next. People might say it’s a free country, but my subconscious sure doesn’t seem to think so!

If there is one thing I’d love to do in my lifetime, it’s overcome my stupid, silly irrational fear. I’m sure I have others, too, but I really had no idea how strong this one was until my husband noticed it recently. I really don’t know how to overcome this; perhaps the first thing would be to simply walk into a store with my hands in my pockets, believing that I am safe and no one is going to accost me. Have you ever overcome an irrational fear? How did you do it? I would certainly love some tips!