10 Ways to Annoy Your Neighbors

10 Ways to Annoy Your Neighbors

Over our mini staycation (it’s funny how I’ve adapted to use that word; if you use vacation, everybody expects for you to tell them “where you’re going” these days, and then you just mumble, “Around…”), my husband and I were really looking forward to getting a little extra sleep in. We both work at night—me from home, him in the city—in order to have family time during the day and to prevent our daughter from being in daycare. In my case, I actually enjoy working at night, too; in his, it’s just the shift that was available.

So there we were, snuggled and sleeping next to one another—something that rarely occurs these days, unfortunately—when we were suddenly awakened by loud, obnoxious drilling and hammering at 6:30 in the morning.

Normally, I would be going to bed around 2:00 or 3:00 in the morning, and waking up at 6:30 anyway; but this week was supposed to be different. Angry, we peeked outside to see our neighbors working on their house—yet again. The next thing we knew, our four-year-old—whom we were hoping would stay in bed until 7:30, or miraculously until 8:00 even after a late (for her) movie the night before—came traipsing into the room sleepily. There went that plan.

There went the plan for our whole mini break, too. And these are the same neighbors whose yappy little dog barks at us every single day, every single time we venture outside, inside, into the car, out of the car, or make a sound at all. It’s very annoying.

So we’ve been plotting at humane ways at repaying the favor. So far, here is our list. Feel free to add to it…

10. Go out in the yard and scream loudly. Repeat.

9. Blast the stereo with something super annoying, like Men Without Hats.

8. Make out in their driveway. Loudly.

7. Hire someone else to bring their own yappy dog over to bark for a while.

6. Turn a drill on and just leave it going outside for a while. Wear headphones while executing this plan.

5. Vacuum our single rug every morning for an hour and a half. Outside.

4. Grab our daughter’s most annoying electronic toy and play with it continuously outside.

3. Bark back.

2. Grab a stick and bang loudly on a metal trash can, claiming we are either A. ridding the yard of bothersome raccoons or B. getting the dents out. At 6 AM.

1. Work on our house at 6:30 in the morning. If nothing else, drill continuous holes in a piece of wood for an hour or two, at least until the sun is fully up.